Legacy

Volt Cruelerz

Legions Developer
A while back, I made mention of intent to release assorted things. The following is the first of hopefully many, but I'm interested in hearing thoughts on a smaller piece before I dump large volumes of things on the internet.

Over the past nine years, I've been dreaming up a science fiction universe which I have taken to calling Legacy. The universe spans more or less the entire time between now and 3584. I've tried to codify this into a novel, but I've discovered I'm far more adept at creating short stories and detailed wikis than writing a fluid novel. Among other things I'd like to do is ultimately release the entire thing online as a collection of short stories, once fully transcribed. "Volt Cruelerz," my username, is a character in this universe.

What I present here is not the chronologically first event and the two characters are rarely mentioned throughout the entirety of the story, but from the perspective of introduction to the plot, it is a good starting point because their actions have far-reaching impacts. Thus far, I have shown my notes to three close friends and explained the basis to two other friends. I think I'm ready to get feedback from a larger pool. I choose to start on the Legions forums because of my history here

Archangel Revealed
 
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Royalty

The Aussie
Is this the same universe that you posted about on the forums a while ago, regarding drafting a contract of some sort?
 

Fox

Member
Yes, this is definitely interesting and personally I would like to read more.

What I will say is that when you only have a short piece like this one depicting an epic climax in a much broader story, it feels... significantly less epic. I don't know who these characters are, where they've come from, what this event would mean to them, what these terms mean (unification wars, xavian reactors) etc. It all sounds fancy, but it doesn't mean anything to me without background.

A moment like the one you've written here needs to be built up to for it to feel significant. Since you prefer shorter texts as opposed to a full on novel, building up the tension might be harder to accomplish, but not impossible. Just remember to include some of the 'boring' stuff too, a good cake isn't all frosting. And by boring stuff I mean maybe random conversations, interactions or daily routines of the people in your universe, to build up character and let the reader get to know them and the world around them.

That being said, I had no problems envisioning the setting, and so far this universe sounds like something I'd be interested to delve into. I'm no expert in giving feedback but I do write myself so I hope I've provided at least a bit of insight. Please continue to work on this, I'm most definitely interested in reading more, and I can imagine a lot of people being as well. And thanks for sharing!
 

Volt Cruelerz

Legions Developer
You're right in that for Joshua personally, it's the sort of thing that needs build up, but in the grander scheme of things, he's actually a rather minor character that just starts a couple domino chains. His son is a far more important character. I've actually got ten of the stories written at the moment, it's just that Archangel Revealed happens to be the best place to introduce someone to the universe. Like, I could have given the one where you meet Johann Irvinov as a kid that already has a desire to protect people from themselves (which is why he'll eventually go on to create the sub-species Extuli), but that one takes place at his planet's equivalent of Vatican City at a time when a small minority of the human race is religious, so while it would be great for character building, it'd be terrible for giving a summary of the universe because they'd be looking at the world through a microscope.

Archangel Revealed is anticlimactic without the lead-up, but it's two characters talking about the world in which they live in a way that is completely natural for the plot and doesn't force me to make the characters get into a philosophizing mood or something. That's why I used it here. In the end, I'll probably end up starting the whole thing off with Johann as a kid and just having the entire thing progress chronologically, but the purpose of this thread was to gauge interest in the universe and my writing style.

That said, thank you for the appreciation and I'll try to in the future dedicate some of the stories to non-frosting.
 
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